Four Things About Adoption

Four things I thought about adoption when I was a child:

1. That my brothers and I must have been adopted because I was darned sure my parents had not done that sex thing I'd heard about.

2. That one of my brothers had birth parents from another planet.

3. That orphans could all sing and dance.

4. That children who lost their parents often had to live with mean people and work really hard.

Four things I've learned since then:

1. Sex can be fun for grownups.

2. Biological connections are not the basis for sibling relationships.

3. Children who lose their parents do often have to live with mean people and work really hard.

4. Some people hate the very idea of adoption and will do what they can to see an end to the option for all the world's children.

Four silly things people have said to me about adoption:

1. "Anyone is better off dead than adopted."

2. "White people have no business raising children of color."

3. "What language do they (my children) speak?"

4. "Internationally adopted children have been robbed of their culture."

Four ways my adopted children have surprised me:

1. By how totally dedicated they are to each other.

2. By how many traits they share with us, their parents, and with each other.

3. By how tall they are.

4. The febrile seizures were a surprise, too.

Four things I wish everyone knew about adoption:

1. That adoption is a good thing, and that even though a small percentage of the population is very much against it for reasons they may or may not be happy to share, the huge majority of those touched by adoption benefit greatly, and for their entire lives.

2. That angry adult adoptees who insist that adoptive parents damage children by bringing them into a loving family and regret-ridden birth parents who judge adoptive parents as the instigators of adoption itself are blinded by their agendas to the positives of adoption.

3. That "adoption reform" and "family preservation" often don't have anything to do with reform or preservation, but can be merely diversionary terms used to cloud issues and apply spin with a desired end result of putting an end to adoption.

4. That the world we live in ... the real world that comes with war, famine, disease, corruption, gender inequality, genocide, and oh-so-much more ... would be a better place if there were more safe and loving adoptive families adopting more children. AND that by a gigantic margin, most adoptions are conducted ethically, legally and morally, and that many, many birth parents choose to place children for some very good reasons, and they are entitled to do so.

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