a sign?

Thought this was a great post about the current state of things. This gal sums it up in a few short paragraphs.

For those of you in the waiting part, dont give up or lose hope, the little ones depend on us not giving up.

Source: http://www.gardenvarietyfamily.com/2007/08/a-sign.html

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I have been away for nearly a month! The Adirondak Mountains don't emit wireless signals, campgrounds lack DSL hook-ups --imagine that! The rest of the locales on our vacation docket weren't much better but also I was having fun and enjoying my vacation. Lots of thoughts have been knocking around in my head for some time now. They seemed so eloquent while canoing a still lake but can I convey them now?


The China Adoption Pipeline is clogged. Everyone keeps asking how things are going. I keep telling them they aren't--we are just waiting. Countless Yahoo Groups, support groups, list serves and blogs are devoted to the subject of Chinese adoption-- from support to predictions to bashing the system as well as the Chinese government. I feel like I have been swept into a cult. I don't necessarily mean that to be negative--not all negative.

Lots of the groups I am a part of are into gift swaps, 100 Wishes Quilts, learning gems of Chinese culture, discussing the wait. I am doing it all, this is my first child I am waiting for and I want to immerse myself in the experience--the unique experience of adopting a child--my distinctive route to motherhood. The wait though is something I choose not to get wrapped up in analyzing or discussing.

My sister is pregnant right now and I rub her belly and everyone asks when she is due and how the pregnancy is going...and before you know it everyone is clucking about how their pregnancies are alike or different, what symptoms she is having, how this pregnancy is different...you get the picture. I don't have that I have no one to compare notes with, gosh I really don't have any notes. I actually try not to think about it too much and I am caught up in my life and I am hoping that one day I'll be pleasantly surprised with a referral. On one hand I am rather removed from the whole thing.

On the other hand...


Ladybugs are supposed to be some kind of a good luck symbol in adoption. I think it is something that someone made up to give them something to talk about during these unpredictable waits in China adoption. Expecting parents post cute notes about ladybug sightings and how they hope the wait is going to get shorter. I don't really get into that stuff and I admit it seems to be the product of people with too much time on their hands. And of course they have time on their hands--they are waiting! For my own sanity, I am trying to be focused on living my life that is here now while I am waiting so that the actual wait doesn't consume me. I suppose I am trying not to wait. I just want to be here when our little one is ready for us. I must admit it is going well. Nearly 5 months have passed in the blink of an eye and I am not going too crazy...yet.

While on vacation I had a ladybug land on me and I must admit I thought about my little girl at that very moment and about 3 minutes later my sister found this pendant and brought it straight to me. Of course it had to be mine. It may or may not be lucky but they are reminders of my daughter who lingers, sweetly haunting me, just beyond my reality.

Does anyone out there know what this character means?

For me these are just wonderful reminders that my daughter is there. I don't have a growing belly or strange cravings but my daughter is affecting me. My hair keeps getting longer and unplanned signs are the confirmations of her existence in my life however distant.

These are signs to me, not necessarily luck but signs of a life that will persist despite the odds against her. Signs that she will be here and that my husband and I have taken steps to align that remarkable life with ours. I feel like I am teetering between the bustle and excitement of expectant parenthood and the seriousness of being aligned with a faraway soul who's fate hangs in a balance. Does anyone out there relate?