11 Things You Absolutely Must Know About Chinese Etiquette

China is known as a state of etiquette and ceremonies. To understand the Chinese, some concepts should not be ignored:

1. Mianzi (Face)

The idea of shame, usually expressed as 'face' could be loosely defined as the 'status' or 'self-respect' in Chinese and by no means alien to foreigners. It is the worst thing for a Chinese to lose face. Never insult, embarrass, shame, yell at or otherwise demean a person. Neither try to prove someone wrong nor shout at him in public.

Never make demands, always calmly explain the situation and request politely assistance in correcting the problem. That way your Chinese host can offer an act of friendship rather than "losing face" by giving in to a demand. Most people will go out of their way to help you if it's presented correctly.

2. Guanxi (Relationships between People)

The fundamental glue that has held society together is the concept of guanxi, relationships between people. It is very important for the Chinese to have good relationships.

3. Keqi

Keqi not only means considerate, polite, and well mannered, but also represents humbleness and modesty. The expression is most often used in the negative, as in buyao keqi, meaning "you shouldn't be so kind and polite to me," or "you're welcome."

Let's talk about several aspects of Chinese etiquette.

4. Greetings and Introductions

It is important when starting or opening your greeting for the most senior person to introduce themselves and then the next senior person, thus working down the rank in your company or organisation. Even when Chinese business people visit Western countries, they will mostly walk in the room with the most senior person leading the party. This custom is a matter of respect and honour, these two words are probably the most important in Chinese culture. Normally when you are shaking the hand of a Chinese official or business person it is polite to slightly bow your head forward, but not your whole body.

Chinese prefer to be formally introduced to someone new. Always stand up when being introduced and remain standing throughout the introductions.

When talking with a stranger, the topics such as weather, food, or hobbies may be good choices to break the ice. To a man, a chat about current affairs, sports, stock market or his job can usually go on smoothly.

Chinese used to cup one hand in the other before the chest as a salute. But nowadays it is seldom used except in the Spring Festival. And shaking hands is more popular and appropriate on some formal occasions. But at present Chinese youngsters tend to simply nod as a greeting.

Shaking hands in an affirmative manner is widely accepted and common practice in Chinese business world.

Never scratch others palm with your fingers when shaking hands or you will fall into a trouble as this action is deemed as sexual intrigue and an intrusive act.
Business Card Etiquette

Use both hands when presenting business cards and be sure the writing faces the person to whom you are presenting your card. Cards should also be received with both hands.

Do not immediately put the card in a pocket or bag - this is considered rude. Follow with the standard "I am pleased to meet you, or "ni hao" in Chinese. When seated, place cards on the table.

Business cards should be printed in English on one side and Chinese on the other. Be sure to use simplified Chinese characters for mainland.

5. Social distance, Touching & Gestures

The Chinese do not like to be touched, particularly by strangers. Do not hug, back slap or put an arm around someone's shoulder. Note however that the Chinese generally don't have the same sense of personal space that North Americans do. It's not unusual for people to almost press up against you while speaking to you. Try to relax and not show how disconcerting it might.

Do not point the index finger--use the open hand instead.

Do not use the index finger to call someone-use the hand with fingers motioning downward as in waving.

Do not snap finger.

Do not show the soles of shoes.

Do not whistle.

6. Eye Contact

Maintain eye-contact with your business partner will help communications.

Staring or absence of eye-contact would mean impoliteness.

Note: When walking in public places, direct eye contact and staring are not common in the larger cities, especially in those areas accustomed to foreign visitors. However, in smaller communities, visitors may be the subject of much curiosity and therefore you may notice some stares, especially if you are blond or redheaded.

7. Dining Etiquette

Chopsticks should not be played with during a meal (for example banging them on the table), used for pointing or left standing up in a rice bowl.
The socially-acceptable method for eating rice is to bring one's bowl close to one's mouth and quickly scoop the rice into it with one's chopsticks, but simply lifting portions of rice to the mouth from the bowl held in the other hand is also acceptable.

If you wish to take a drink of the wine, you may first toast another diner. If you yourself are toasted but do not wish to drink, it is acceptable to touch the glass to your lips without drinking.

8. Gift Giving

If you are invited to a family party, small gifts like wine, tea, cigarettes, or candies are welcomed. Also fruit, pastries, and flowers are a safe choice.
Wedding gifts and birthday gifts for the aged are always sent in pairs for the old saying goes that blessings come in pairs.

Though four is an even number, it reads like death in Chinese thus is avoided.
A gift of clock is a taboo because it sounds like attending other's funeral. As connected with death and sorrow, black and white are also the last in the choice.

Always wrap gifts, but do not use white paper-it symbolizes death. Red and gold are the best.

When receiving gifts from the Chinese, do not open them unless they insist.
Tips for Meeting with Chinese People

9. Before Meetings:

Bring a large supply of business cards. You may meet many more people than anticipated.

Chinese usually tend to come a bit earlier to show their earnestness. And it would not be regarded as being late if you come within 10 minutes.

10. There are some useful Chinese expressions easy to learn:

Hello
Ni Hao

Hello (honorific)
Nin hao

Thank you
Xie Xie

Cheers (toast)
Gan pei

Goodbye
Zai jian


11. During Meetings:

When business negotiation is entered, verbal communications are enough and do not do too many gestures.
Do not take the Chinese nod for agreement; it's only a sign that they are listening attentively.
If a Chinese person gives you a compliment, it is polite to deny it graciously. Modesty is highly valued in China.

Others:

China is one of the few countries where tipping is not practiced. In most places, it is not necessary to tip and nobody will ask for it.

Orphanage Visit!!!

We visited Guangzhou Social Welfare Institute on Friday. That was the place that arranged for her lifesaving surgery at age 2, filed the necessary papers to find her a permanent home, and placed her in foster care. It is evident as you walk around that they do care about the children in their care. This SWI has many Waiting Children (Special Needs). Our guide estimated 70%. Most are not severe by any stretch of the imagination. There are both boys and girls. Some have special needs that are such that they will be there their entire life. It's always hard walking around and seeing all these children, most of which offer you an eager smile, some very shy, and others that reach out and want to be held. Half the Sky (HTS)sponsors preschool program here and we saw the classes and also a toddler room in which HTS personnel play and cuddle the toddlers. One of the HTS program directors was there and she recognized Siena from when she was in the program, prior to entering foster care one year ago. She immediately set off on a search for Siena's HTS preschool folder where they document progress, complete with photos. It really is priceless. They found it and gave it to us. We will have it translated when we get home. That folder was an unexpected surprise. I would urge everyone planning their trip to remember to ask for it when you go.

We went around to every classroom in which one of the children on my list (from the waiting parents on our GSW Yahoo group) was in. Each child was called out, and I got to hold several of them, have their parent's messages translated to them, ask all the questions, and surprise of surprises-we took pictures. None of the pictures are to be posted anywhere on the internet, including here. They are for personal use only. I have sent them to the waiting parents with those very strict instructions and I trust they will all comply. The only children in my blog pictures are ours-Maria and Siena.

It was a very special and moving experience. Siena remembered one of her close friends, a beautiful little girl that is deaf. I pray with my whole heart these children find permanent homes, and that anyone fighting the urge to adopt, whether in the US, China, Ukraine, or anywhere in our world, gives in. The rewards are incredible.

ChinaRileys

'When do children really understand what "Adoption" means?'

Today most Scientists & Adoption Agents are of the opinion that parents should inform their adopted children as soon as possible about their status. The issue should thereafter be discussed more often at various points in time to give the child/children a chance to grasp their special status and the opportunity to ask questions. Only an early introduction to the subject will give parents and children a chance to develop an open and trusting relationship between each other.

There are two sides to the process of informing a child about it's adoptive status: First of all the information has to be passed on to the child and secondly the child has to understand the information it has been given.

It is more than likely that a 4 year old child can be made to refer to itself as "adopted" and further tell that it has grown in another woman's womb before being adopted by it's present parents. This however does not go to say that the child has understood what an adoption really means. More so it has to be assumed that due to the child's use of very specific vocabulary related to the issue of adoption the parents are lured into the false belief that their child fully understands the concept of adoption. By doing so, the cognitive capability of a small child is highly overestimated.
It takes approximately 10 years for an adopted child to fully grasp the information about its adoption which they have been given at the age of 3 or 4. This knowledge was the result of the scientific research by BRODZINSKY and his colleagues during the "Rutgers Adoption Project" (1986). The scientists examined 100 adopted children in comparison to 100 non-adopted children. There were 20 children in each age group: 4-5 years old, 6-7 years old, 8-9 years old, 10-11 years old and 12-13 years old. All adoptive children were adopted within the first 2 ½ years of their life. Their understanding of the adoption was evaluated on the basis of a 6 grade chart.

Although the 4-5 year old children had all been informed about their adoption most of them did not have any understanding of the meaning of an adoption (grade 0). At an average age of 5 years and 6 months most examined children either assumed that all children in general were born to their biological parents or that adoption and giving birth are the same (grade 1). At the age of 7 years and 2 months children could distinguish between adoption and birth. They viewed it as 2 different means of becoming a part of a family. The relationship between the adoptive parents and the child was described by the children to be a permanent one. However they could not articulate a reason for the permanence of this relationship other than voicing the assumption that "The child is now owned by its adoptive parents" (grade 2).

At an average age of 8 years and 8 months the children were not so confident about the stability of the Parent-Child Relationship anymore. They believed that their biological parents would either claim them back one day or that their adoptive parents could also decide to give them away at some point in time (grade 3). At 10 years and 4 months of age the children were confident in the lastingness of the relationship between adoptive parents and child again. With regards to this newly found confidence they even referred to professionals in a position of authority such as Judges, Lawyers & Medical Doctors (grade 4). It was not until the average age of 12 years and 5 months that the adopted children understood that an adoption on a legal basis of specific laws incorporated the transfer of parental rights and duties from the biological parents to the adoptive parents (Grade 5).

The adopted children were aware of an Adoption Agency being involved in their adoption at an average age of 8 years and 1 month but did not know the actual task of the Agency. Approximately 10 months later they understood that this organisation plays a vital role in the process. In most cases the first assumption was that the Agency's purpose was to cater to the wishes of the future adoptive parents. Once at an average age of 11 years and 11 months the adoptive children understood that the Agency first and foremost acts on behalf and in the interest of the well being of the children put up for adoption, therefore screening the potential adoptive parents.

Brodzinsky and his colleagues research clearly shows that the understanding of an adoptive child with reference to its adoption develops in predictable phases. In the beginning the knowledge is still very general and slightly diffuse but becomes more sophisticated with time. This knowledge is also associated with a growing awareness of the connection with social organisations and the relating laws.

The research indicates how difficult it must be for a child under the age of 13 or 14 to process the fact of having a dual set of parents. Younger children don't grasp this concept at all, slightly older children find it hard to fit the characteristics of adoptive parents into their idea of a family concept. Eight and nine year olds know that parents and children are blood related. Adoptive children of this particular age group therefore question which family they are really part of - their biological parents or their adoptive parents. Bearing in mind that children of this age group (8-9 year olds) have not yet understood the concept of adoption including all its implications it is not surprising that they feel insecure of their position within the adoptive family and voice a lot of questions regarding their heritage.

During a further examination of 156 adopted children aged 6-11 years old Brodzinsky and his colleagues (1986) found out that a child's comprehension of its adoption is neither influenced by structure of the adoptive family (only child, biological siblings, adopted siblings), their social status, the previous history of the child nor its age or condition of health at the time of adoption. This means that the comprehension develops through an intra psychological process by combining the newly received information with other relevant knowledge of family structure, social institutions, human motives, separation, loss, - etc. This Process is therefore imbedded in the overall cognitive development of the child.

The results of this research clearly show that parents and adoption agents generally expect the adoptive children to understand the process of an adoption too early. In return they are surprised when primary school children ask a lot of questions regarding their biological parents and their heritage, the reasons for being put up for adoption as well as being insecure in terms of their adoptive parents love and sometimes show signs of sadness and depression. Parents and experts do not understand these behavioural patterns and often wrongly judge it as negative although it is quite normal, age appropriate and probably inevitable. It is a sign that the children are trying to achieve a better understanding of the adoption. In order to do so they have to process the loss of their biological parents and the resulting emotions (sadness) at this age. This is being complicated by the lack of knowledge about their biological parents.

Consequently it is vital that adoptive parents make themselves aware of the fact that adopted children will comprehend the adoption with all its implications not until they have entered their second decade of life. They (adoptive parents ) can help the child to achieve a positive and extensive comprehension of the adoption by openly and honestly discussing the issue instead of avoiding it. It is equally important that they are also aware of the difference between adoptive families and biological families further understanding the special status of their own family. Primarily they should not overstrain the child and confront it with unrealistic expectations but should give the child the time it needs for the long lasting cognitive development process which will conclude in a full comprehension of the adoption.


Jeff Conrad himself was a adopted child.
He wants to give you the best and most comprehensive information about adopting children from all over the world.
www.international-adoption-site.info

Traveling for your adoption and packing

Unless you are adopting through your local foster care agency or are having a child escorted, you will be doing some sort of traveling for your adoption. Most international adoptions involve international travel, and domestic adoption can involve travel to the next state or to the other side of the country. While most people think of adoption travel in regards to international adoption, our longest adoption trip was that to South Carolina to get our son, Marcus.

Since travel is one of the exciting parts of adoption, and the part that many adoptive parents look forward to, I am going to write about it today, and I will share some of my thoughts and strategies on packing (since we have now traveled on quite a few adoption trips). If you want to check out my very detailed packing lists, you can find those here.

I have written quite a bit on adoption travel and have shared lots of packing tips in these posts, so in this post I am going to share my two biggest tips for packing.

- Bring what you need. I am all for packing light (see my next tip) and yet especially when you traveling to adopt a child, I think you should bring everything that you need. While it is true (especially if you are adopting domestically) that you can often find what you need when you arrive, you don't want to have to spend your first few hours or days with your child in a store in a new place trying to find diapers, formula, lotion or dish soap.

I have always found it very comforting and settling to have our child placed with us and to be able to go back to our hotel room and know that we have everything we need.

Find good packing lists (check mine out above) and list all that you need for your trip. If you are traveling internationally, it is especially important that you bring things like a fully stocked first aid kit, medications and treatments for things like lice, that you may not be able to find easily overseas.

If you travel with things that you end up not needing, you can always donate them to an orphanage or leave them behind at a guest house for the families traveling after you.

When it comes to adoption travel, I suggest that you travel prepared.

- On the flip side, my other piece of advice is don't over pack. Don't bring too many clothes. Don't bring four pairs of shoes. Don't bring piles of toys. Bring everything that you need, but don't bring tons of it, and go easy on the things that you don't need lots of.

There are several reasons why you don't want to over pack for your adoption trip. First off, traveling lighter is traveling easier. Lugging huge heavy bags in international airports can be quite a hassle, plus if your bags are overweight, you will have to pay fees, sometimes heavy ones. And remember, on your way home you will be carrying a child as well, so you want to make life as easy as possible on yourself.

Other reasons for traveling as light as possible are donations and shopping. If you are adopting internationally, your agency very well ask you to carry over donations for the orphanage. And, traveling for your child is a wonderful opportunity to shop and bring home cultural items for your home and gifts for your child from his culture as he grows.

So, as you are preparing your own packing list, remember your goals are to travel prepared and to travel as light as possible.

Adoption Blogs . com

China Babies Research Reports

China-babies.com has a strong track record of performing pre and post adoption research on children who are being adopted, or have been adopted from China . Our team of researchers and officials work directly with Orphanages, Directors, Staff, and Foster Families if possible and arrange to conduct interviews of anyone who has come in contact with your child that we are able to find. We take digital photographs of everything we find pertaining to your child’s situation or history, to include any finding notes or clothing (if available), environment, and people who may have been part of your child’s early life. We are aware of the sensitivity and privacy concerns of all parties involved, therefore we conduct our research with the utmost care, diligence, and professionalism. China-babies has successfully completed hundreds of Update and History reports for our clients.

Our Services:

1. The Child Update Report - Often when a family gets the referral for their child from China , we wonder about the child and how the child is doing. The fact of the matter is, there are times that parents are not always able to get as much information on the child as we would like. The Update Report service has been developed with this issue in mind.

One of our researchers will go to the orphanage or foster family and interview the family or orphanage caretaker(s) about the child as well as take pictures of the child, their caretakers, where they are living, etc. The interviews typically take an hour or more, with digital photographs of the child, his/her caretakers, and environment. After our researched is compiled and translated, it will be formatted into a customized report and a detailed description of what we found out as well as pictures will be emailed to you.

2. The Child History Report - Quite often when families adopt their child(ren) from China , we bring them home with many unanswered questions. These include questions about their orphanage, their caregiver(s), their medical history, their foster family, etc. After the fact, it is often very difficult to track down the right person who can answer some of these unknowns.

You provide to us your child’s orphanage name, date of birth, adoption date, and any other relevant information, and our people in China contact the orphanage that your child came from. We will determine if they still hold records on the child, if any of the current orphanage staff were caregivers for your child, and any information we can get regarding Foster Parents, and essentially try to track down any leads to people with first hand knowledge of your child who can provide us with information. Anything we find is then translated and formatted into a digital report which is emailed to you.

References and Testimonials: We would be pleased to provide you with a list of references of parents who have used our firm, so you can verify for yourself the quality of our work.

To read how one of our recent Success Stories feels about us click here.

At China-Babies, we are adoptive parents ourselves and understand first hand the issues involved in these complicated and important matters. We take this very seriously, and exercise the utmost care and diligence when serving our clients, and do our best to provide what we consider to be an invaluable service to both adoptive parents, as well as our adopted children. In the end, the resources we expend to gather this information is nothing in comparison to being able to share this with our children as they grow older.

Our best wishes and prayers for your families,

Alex & Misty Stanczyk
www.china-babies.com

China adoptions: The "Genocide Olympics"

Continued from the previous post where China has been the topic.

China is now getting ready to host the Olympics, and as Grant pointed out in his blog, the upcoming hoo-haa that goes along with is a very big deal and the Chinese are keen to keep attention focused on good stuff.

Perhaps because people are actually paying some attention at the moment, and because the poop is hitting the fan in places like Burma, Sudan and North Korea in very big ways, China's propping up of the poopers is being noticed and commented upon.

Gathering some steam are movements to draw even more attention in hopes of encouraging action that might hold China accountable for its contributions to the total trouncing of rights by regimes it supports.

People with pull are pushing the idea of the "Genocide Olympics", a defining of the games by the policies of the hosting country, and encouraging those involved to rethink their participation.

The link above has contact information for letter writing for those who may choose to join in the move to discourage association with the China Olympics, and some are beginning to exert some pressure for boycotting the games entirely.

There is time for this movement to swell as the games near, and as situations worsen in countries of concern, and it could happen that China's government will begin to feel the pinch of discomfort that comes with widespread condemnation for practices as serious and distasteful as the tacit encouragement of the human rights violations of millions.

Because of the powerhouse status of China, it's not likely that countries will refuse to send athletes or boycott the games. No matter almost whatever China chooses to do, nations invested in investing in the huge market the country offers will show up and do the rah-rah, pat the backs, shake the hands, smile, nod, and avoid all questions about Sudan and Burma and human rights abuses and lack of transparency and anything else that might come up while the spotlight shines on China.

China, however, may still take offense at the idea that a lot of people will have been alleging that the modern version of the Emperor is naked as a plucked duck.

I hate to bring this up with people in the process of adoption children from China, but things could get rocky. Some version of what happened in Cambodia and what is about to happen in Guatemala could manifest, this time with China deciding to put the squeeze on adoptions.

Because of the power and influence, whatever they decide to do will get China the same pass that the country usually enjoys. Few fingers will point or wag and voices will be ever so quick to point out sovereign rights and cultural prerogative.

As in other countries, the fate of the children will be the last consideration, if considered at all.

Adoption Blogs.com

Every Adopted Child Experiences Loss

When we adopted our older daughter, Big Sister (BS) almost four years ago, she went through a brief grieving period, mourning the loss of her beloved foster mother whom she then lovingly referred to as "Mama." For 4 or 5 days, she cried inconsolably for the only mother she had ever known, yet magically, by the sixth day, she looked up at me and said, "Mama." Somewhere deep inside her, she decided that since I was taking over the role of her caretaker, I must be her new mother. In a swift moment, her sadness turned to joy as she laughed and smiled happily discovering all the comforts of her new existence. At the same time, it certainly wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. She had to overcome the language barrier, new surroundings that looked and smelled differently and internalize her deep-rooted loss that came in the form of night terrors.

Next month, Big Sister will turn five and while she is secure and happy, the profound loss of her birth family and culture may someday plague her. I hope not, but it's a possibility. She is now at the age of beginning awareness, wanting to hear her birth/adoption story again and again. As we talk about it, she looks at the little photo album given to us by her Chinese foster mother, the only photos we have showing her early life in China before our forever family was formed.

Some adoptive parents choose not to discuss their child's adoption until the child asks questions while others opt not to reveal the secret at all. Obviously, interracial families may have a difficult time keeping the secret. I have always discussed adoption with my daughter since she was very little. We have several adoption-related (children's) books, most focusing on Chinese adoption. In addition, we celebrate our "Gotcha / Adoption" Day each year. On this special day, we look at photos from her lifebook and talk about our magical day. The day is usually topped off with dinner at a local Chinese restaurant and a small gift representing the Chinese culture.

Now that I have adopted a second daughter, Little Sister, we will continue the discussions and celebrations. I wonder how our Mei-Mei will react when she hears her story, so different from Big Sister's, never having a lovely foster mother to nurture her, only a room full of nannies. Will I embellish the facts or tell her the truth that she was severely neglected in the orphanage and left with no one to call "Mama." Time will tell. Most likely, I will gently tell her the truth but without the hard cold facts. When she is old enough, she will discover them on her own.

No matter how an adopted child comes into our life, they will always at some point experience loss. It's a point well driven by any adoption social worker. We cannot deny it, erase it or overlook it. We can only love our children enough to hopefully make the hurt go away.

Parenting Adopted Children

Pair adopts child as an act of faith

A long road ends in happiness

By GRACIE BONDS STAPLES
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Published on: 10/07/07

Their years together were forever changing, but their dream never changed.

For 12 years, it was constant, rooted, like many of the couple's aspirations, in Scripture.





For Bill and Amanda Burke, their yearning to adopt a child was in keeping with James 1:27: "Pure and undefiled religion before God is this: to care for orphans."

At Cornerstone Church of Christ, where the Lawrenceville couple are members, it has become part of the mission.

In all, 21 couples at Cornerstone, a small congregation of 270 adults, have adopted 25 children. Some, like the Burkes, already had children of their own. That didn't matter. Many of them adopted from China, the No. 1 source of foreign-born children adopted by Americans.

The church's passion is stoked by the pastor's wife, Sue Mathis, who became a heartfelt advocate after she and her husband adopted a Chinese child of their own.

The Burkes didn't know when or how they'd proceed. They just knew God put it in their hearts to adopt a child.

"We felt we were meant to do this," Amanda Burke said, "but it just seemed like it wasn't going to happen."

After nearly 10 years of marriage, the Burkes believed they had been abundantly blessed. They had a three-bedroom home, two children and promising careers. Bill was pastor of a small nondenominational congregation in Tennessee, and Amanda headed the women's ministry.

But in 1995, just as they decided the time was right to adopt, the couple moved to Lawrenceville and went from leading a church to being a part of the staff. Amanda discovered she was pregnant for a third time. Then, Bill was hospitalized with blood clots in his lungs. For many reasons, including financial, Bill decided to leave the ministry and become an insurance broker. Amanda became a teacher in the Gwinnett County schools.

A change of circumstance

Then last year, after another decade had passed and as life seemed to be settling down, Amanda's father died, leaving the family "a nice inheritance."

Even then, the Burkes weren't sure. Bill was approaching 50. Their three children — Carter, Hannah and Abby — were 16, 14 and 11, respectively.

"Then it just sort of dawned on us: 'Why can't we do it?' " Amanda recalled. "We had the money."

That was in July 2006. The next month, the Burkes went to Hope for Children, a Christian nonprofit adoption agency in Atlanta, and began the process.

It was then, Amanda recently recalled, that their prayer changed: "God, show us which child was meant to be in our family."

Weeks later, Hope for Children called. There was a 3-year-old boy waiting to be adopted — in Jiangxi province, China.

Amanda Burke logged onto the adoption agency's Web site. "He was adorable," she said.

Hong Zi Hua had been abandoned at the door of a hospital when he was 4 days old, then shuttled to an orphanage before being sent to a foster home.

The Burkes got the toddler's health records and asked their pediatrician to look them over. The boy checked out. The Burkes remained a little apprehensive but forged ahead, "confident God put this little boy in our path," Amanda said.

More than a dozen fellow worshippers at Cornerstone had opted for a foreign adoption, which is generally less complicated than domestic because birth parents are not involved and the match is made by a government agency.

Adoption has become a church mission championed by Sue Mathis, the pastor's wife. After having two children of their own, the couple adopted a Chinese girl they named Julia four years ago.

"I became an advocate for adoption," Mathis said. "It's so near to God's heart that he says he places the lonely in families."

Mathis began calling families interested in adoption, answering questions and telling them her family's story. A few months later, Hope for Children hired her as a part-time adoption advocate.

With the help of a couple of other families, Mathis instituted Third Fridays, a support group for families who've adopted or are in the process of adopting.

Mathis said that while their adoption went off without a hitch, not every family has it that easy. Some adoptions can take 2 1/2 years.

"I wanted to prepare families for challenges, even for the waiting process," she said. "I wanted to have a group of people to offer them support, who could say, 'We've been through this,' and to hopefully influence other families to want to adopt also."

Lovely and naughty

Hong Zi Hua had a ready smile and got along well with others, according to records his foster parents kept, and he loved to imitate singers he saw on television by rolling up paper like a microphone and singing into it. They described him as "a lovely, naughty little boy."

"I knew this was my son," Amanda Burke recalled.

Hong Zi Hua would become Jonathan Zi Hua Burke, or Zi for short.

The Burkes began preparing the way. Zi would share bunk beds with Abby at first and then move into Carter's room. He'd inherit Carter's old toys: the train set, books and Power Rangers.

The couple hoped all the lessons they'd tried to impart to the children — to love and serve others — had taken root.

On July 11, Bill, Amanda, Hannah and Abby boarded a plane to China, their "hearts bursting with excitement."

Four days later, they walked into the adoption center and their dream. The caregivers arrived carrying infants. Hong Zi Hua, hand in hand with one of them, led the pack.

Amanda knelt down to greet him.

Zi cried.

But within days the boy, who had studied English in preschool, was coming into his own. He ran around the hotel room screaming, poking his sisters Hannah and Abby, whatever it took to get a laugh.

"He was full of vinegar," said Amanda.

Although he cried at bedtime for his foster mom, Zi was showing affection toward the Burkes.

It wasn't unusual for him to run up and plant a kiss on one of their faces, throw his arms around them, or declare "Mommy, wo ai ni" — "I love you" in Mandarin Chinese.

The feeling was mutual. Hannah and Abby argued over who would get to carry Zi. Bill read to him. They taught him to sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" and "Old MacDonald Had a Farm."

"Zi is doing amazing," Amanda wrote in an e-mail from China on July 24. "No more tears or sadness. He's a Burke through and through."

Two days later, the family returned home, greeted at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport by son Carter and friends from Cornerstone who'd also adopted from China.

They held balloons and presents for Zi. Carter, meeting his new brother, scooped him up and hugged him.

"Hey, Zi," he said.

Dragons for Zi

A few weeks later, Amanda Burke was the first in the family to wake up Sunday morning, Aug. 26. She gently roused Zi, who was asleep on a pallet beside the Burkes' bed, and they went to the kitchen for breakfast.

It was 7:30 a.m. The family hustled into the bathroom and out, swooped into the kitchen for a bowl of cereal, and finally into the traditional Chinese outfits they'd purchased during their 12-day stay in the country.

For Zi, they chose dragon and phoenix designs on black silk with red trim. For Bill, a black jacket. And for Amanda, a red dress with plum blossoms.

They prayed that morning, thanking God for the opportunity to present their newest addition to their church family.

Three hours later, they arrived at Collins Hill High School, Cornerstone's temporary home. The service had barely gotten under way when the Rev. David Mathis summoned the Burkes to the front of the church.

As Zi held him close, Bill Burke began speaking. Say hello, he told his new son.

"Hello," Zi said quietly into the microphone.

"It's a privilege to be chosen to be this little boy's family," Bill said.

Before Bill could get another word out, Zi started plastering his daddy with kisses.

Bill Burke looked at his son and said, "I love you."

Unable to go on, father and son took their seats, and the church cried.

Dwindling Numbers of Adoptions out of China

The stats for 2006 are now available, and they're not looking good. Here's some stats for the U.S.:

U.S. adoptions from China
2004 7,044
2005 7,906
2006 6,520

And for Canada:
Canadian adoptions from China
2004 1,001
2005 973
2006 608


What this means is that China adopted out about 20% fewer children to Canada and the U.S. in 2006 than it did in 2005. The slowdown isn't just due to increased demand, it's also due to decreased supply. China not only has not increased the number of children referred to meet the demand, they've actually reduced it.

As I've said elsewhere, I believe this is due to Chinese internal politics. An analogous situation in the U.S.A. is immigration. The delay to receive permission to immigrate to the U.S. from some countries is as long as 22 years. This is simply due to a quota on the number of immigrations from those countries. This delay could be eliminated at any time by simply lifting the quota - it would take only a few months to process the 22 year backlog. However, because immigration is a sensitive issue in the U.S., there is currently no prospect of that happening. China's situation is much the same. Adoption is a sensitive issue. China does not want to be perceived as a baby exporter, and all of the articles that have been written about adoption from China are not helping the situation. Apparently they are dealing with this perception by reducing their quotas for international adoption. This has nothing to do with the number of children who need homes in China, nothing to do with how fast the CCAA can process dossiers, and everything to do with political considerations.

If the quota reductions continue - and the numbers so far in 2007 are not promising - and the number of dossiers submitted to China continues at the same high level, wait times will go extremely high. I cannot stress this enough: if you have not already submitted your dossier to China, please choose a different route to adopt. You will thank me later, when you have a child in only a year or two vs. a five-year wait or longer for China. If you have only recently submitted your dossier, I think you should also consider switching. Domestic, private, or international adoption from another country are all likely to be much faster than continuing with China.

China Adoption Forecast

The rumors turned to facts....

It's that time of month when I can say YES, we have heard something from our agency!! This months referrals have arrived. This is good news since it at least proves that Chinese adoptions are in fact occurring, they are just moving at a snail's pace.

I know I keep repeating this, but to understand all of this you have to keep in mind that our log in date (LID) is January 12, 2006. We are waiting for the CCAA (Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs) to work their way to that date in their matching process. This month they matched families that were logged in through November 30, 2005. This is dismal at best since many people (myself included) believed the CCAA would begin matching families that were logged in during December '05. If the CCAA would have matched a few dates into December I would have felt a glimmer of hope this month, but instead I feel even more discouraged and disappointed (because they only matched 5 days worth of LIDS this month). It's as though my brain knows the reality, but my heart hopes for a miracle. Our wait continues for several more months....

One thing I believe with absolute certainty - we have a daughter somewhere in China. She is unaware of the family that is waiting for her, but we love her already and we know that our family will not be complete until we bring her home. It is a day we wait for with great anticipation.

Posted by Marla & Matt at 12:21 PM

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