Road to adoption frustrating, rewarding

'I feel very close to him; I couldn't ask for anything more'

By Patti Zarling
pzarling@greenbaypressgazette.com


Mason Bowers is a smiley, happy 3-month-old baby who doesn't want much more than cuddles, kisses and a warm bottle.


Melissa and Shawn Bowers' road to Mason's adoption has been a long one.


And they are not alone. The 2000 U.S. Census, the first to collect data on adoption, counted 2.1 million adopted children in the U.S. About 1.6 million were younger than the age of 18, representing about 2.5 percent of the total 64.6 million children in the group. In Wisconsin, 30,583 of 1.278 million children younger than age 18 were adopted, about 2.4 percent, according to the census.


The Bowers, of Green Bay, have a 5-year-old son and tried for about three years to have a second child, but couldn't, even with the help of treatments, Melissa said. That's when they considered adoption.


They worked with a pregnant woman who was interested in giving her child to the Bowers, and they paid about six months' worth of doctor bills, rent and other expenses before the woman eventually decided to keep the baby.


"I was done," Melissa said. "It was really devastating. But we just continued … I'm glad we didn't give up."


But they connected with Mason's mom, a 25-year-old woman in Texas, when she was about four months along and kept in touch with frequent phone calls, Melissa said. Mason was born in August, and the couple brought him home about a week later.


His biological mother "knows me, she knows my family, we took her out for lunch," Melissa said. "I still send her pictures. But they say it slows down … I hope for his sake some communication continues."


Melissa said she worried how she would bond with Mason.


"We had a birth child," she said. "And I knew how close I was with Maxwell. … I wondered, 'Am I going to have the same feelings? Will I bond with the baby?'


"But it was almost a lot of wasted energy. I feel very close to him. I couldn't ask for anything more."


And Maxwell is proving to be a proud big brother.


"He plays with him all the time," Melissa said. "He says 'Go to Texas and get your own baby.' He just laughs whenever he sees him."


The average adoption takes about a year and costs between $18,000 and $25,000, according to Kim Garner, president of Wisconsin-based Community Adoption Center Inc. Expenses vary depending on the medical and personal costs adoptive parents may need to pay for the birth mother and travel expenses.


A low-end independent adoption might cost $10,000, Garner said, while international adoptions can range from $20,000 to $40,000.


Melissa said the Bowers considered adopting a foreign baby, but she wanted a newborn. They also worried about difficulties bringing home a foreign baby and traveling overseas with a small child at home.


Overall, foreign adoptions have fallen about 15 percent in the last two years, according to State Department figures for fiscal 2007.


While foreign adoptions may be on a downturn in the U.S., experts say domestic adoptions are going strong.


Although adoptions from countries such as China and Guatemala might be dipping, those from other nations, like Ethiopia, are on the rise, Garner said. Her organization handles all sorts of adoptions: independent, in which parents already know the birth mother, domestic, international and special needs.


In Wisconsin, birth mothers lose their rights in two to three weeks; one of the reasons the Bowers chose San Antonio is because in Texas the mother loses those rights within 48 to 72 hours.


"I think there's always a fear of the unknown and also a fear of the birth mother changing her mind," Garner said.


Once a family brings home the baby, Garner's agency remains the guardian of the child for six months.


After at least three home visits, the adoption is finalized in court.


Garner encourages families to be open-minded and flexible when adopting.


"There's more mixed race babies than healthy Caucasian babies," she said. "But there are still quite a few babies out there."


The Bowers plan to be open with Mason about his adoption.


"Obviously, he doesn't look like us," she said about her Hispanic son. "We'll tell him, 'You didn't grow in my tummy, but in my heart.'"

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