Attachment Articles and Information

Just saw a list-serv post talking about an attachment website with lots of info.

Link is here: http://www.attach-china.org/

Which Adoption Is Right For You?

Free Video Hosting

New list of 20 special needs children

Posted by: "carolnelson21" cwa@cwa.org carolnelson21
Thu Sep 20, 2007 10:10 am (PST)

We will have our new list of 20 children available in a day or two, if
anyone is interested please email me and I will send you the info when
it is ready. They are too precious!

Blessings,
Carol Nelson
Director of Intake
Christian World Adoption
cwa@cwa.org

Digging for roots

By Ron Hollander
Updated: 2007-09-14 07:40



Children on the roots-seeking tour at the Children's Palace in Shanghai. Ron Hollander

The handmade signs in the shapes of apples and hearts bobbed above the heads of the beaming grade school children lining the driveway of Qi Yi primary school, in Beijing's Haidian District.

Clad in red scarves and blue and white uniforms, the Chinese children welcoming us strained to hold their signs high, so we could see them through the tinted windows of our air-conditioned bus.

They read like a who's-who of the American, Canadian and Australian children on our tour: Tara, Tayler, Kim Lisa, Sarah Lian Wenhui, and my own daughter, Mei Ming ("beautiful and bright").

It was the second day of the Families With Children Adopted From China Roots-Seeking Summer Camp trip, in which 44 children and as many parents were returning to the motherland for 12 days to immerse themselves in the country of their birth. The program, founded in 2005, is 55 percent subsidized by the Chinese government, so that the approximately 73,000 children - mostly girls - adopted from China can learn about their birth-culture.

"Wherever they go in the world, they will always remain our children, too," said Lei Zhengang, deputy director of the Culture and Education Department associated with the China Overseas Exchanges Association. "We have sympathetic feelings for our children abroad, and they will always be linked to our Chinese traditional culture."

At the school, the mostly American children piled off the bus, to search for their names and the children holding them. Mei Ming, adopted in Wuhan in 1995 when she was 5 months old, quickly found her Chinese counterpart. While the Qi Yi marching band played, they soon walked off hand-in-hand for a tour of the school.

One of the goals of the Heritage Tour is for the adopted children to learn about China. Mei Ming approached that through her own, suburban New Jersey lens, asking her new friend how she got to school.

"So, do you take the bus, or do your parents drive you?" she naively asked. The answer: She walked or rode her bike.

That was just one, tiny nugget of cultural lore that my daughter and the others learned about what life would have been like had they remained in China. Everything from food (no cheeseburgers) to the cost of MP4 players (cheap, but are they authentic?) went into the mix. That was exactly how the parents wanted it.

"People have to understand where their roots are, where they came from," said Phil Strauss, a lean, outdoorsman who owns a parking business in Boston, and who is the father of 9-year-old Betty Jane. "Otherwise, there's a tremendous void when they grow up. As you get older, you start to wonder. I don't want that for BE-BE (Betty Jane)."

Other parents were similarly motivated to take the $675 trip ($985 for parents), excluding airfare - very reasonable compared to other private, non-government-supported heritage tours.

"Six months ago, my daughter Emma said: 'You're lucky, you have grandma, you know where you came from'," said Joni Robinson, an instructional coach for teachers in New Haven, Connecticut. "So, I realized it was time to give her a background, and then we'd all kind of be Chinese-American together."

Donna Ellis, a lawyer in New York, agreed. "Since the day I got Shayna (now 11), I knew I would make the pilgrimage back," said Ellis, who enlivened the tour by enthusiastically buying and irrepressibly modeling ethnic head dresses in every city. "I wanted her to see her birth-country, to experience what it's really like to be Chinese. That's something I can't give her, no matter how hard I try."

Or, as Robinson understatedly put it, "Going to Chinatown is just not the same".

This was the first summer that Canadian and Australian families were included on the tour, and parental sentiments knew no national boundaries. "I want Lilli to have a better appreciation for both cultures," said Patti Carr, of Ontario, Canada, of her 9-year-old daughter from Guangdong Province. "She will always have a dual identity, so I want her to understand both those identities."

Because the tour has grown, it has been split into two itineraries. Coordinating manager Lisa Kifer, who volunteers her time from Columbus, Ohio, and who herself is the mother of two girls adopted from China, anticipated that a third itinerary may be added.



The author with his daughter Mei Ming at a panda facility in Chengdu. Ken Horii

The entire group spent four days in Beijing at the beginning of the tour, and two days in Shanghai at the end. But in between, half went to Xi'an, Hangzhou and Suzhou, while my group toured Chengdu and Guilin, moving from plane to bus to cable car to foot at a needlessly dizzying pace that left us exhausted, and speculating: "If it's Tuesday, it must be Guilin."

Kifer said that the tour was a natural outgrowth of a government program begun in 1984 to bring Chinese children born or living overseas back to China for two weeks. One week would be spent seeing tourist attractions, while the other would be spent visiting their family's home province. That program is still conducted in even-numbered years, and now has thousands of participants.

But the unique aspect of the Children Adopted From China trip is that children who may be isolated and sometimes even ridiculed back home for bearing what their unenlightened classmates could view as the double stigma of being adopted and of being from China, now find themselves traveling with children exactly like themselves.

"I'm sort of embarrassed back home when I'm the only kid adopted from a different country on the other side of the world," said Betty Jane Moore-Strauss, 9. "But this makes me feel great, because I'm not embarrassed anymore."

"I don't feel different," said 9-year-old Danielle Comer from upstate New York, "because there's a lot of Chinese people around me now."

The older children on the tour, which has now brought families from 18 American states, with children adopted from 12 provinces, agree.

"It's a big relief to know what it really looks like," said Kifer's 12-year-old daughter, Elizabeth. "You know where you lived, and you don't have to think where you lived. It fills in a blank in you."

"It makes me more proud to say I'm from China," said Olivia Paradis, 13. "It's kind of sad if you're born in China and (have) never been here."

"Yeah," chimed in Mei Ming. "It's really pathetic."

Another special feature of the tour is that many families chose on their own to visit the orphanages from which their children were adopted, either before or after the tour. While for the parents this can be a nostalgic trip back to a wonderful moment in their lives - the culmination of years of dreaming about creating a family - for the children, this can be a daunting experience, fraught with nervousness and stirring up feelings of having been abandoned at birth.

Several of the parents said that while they were planning to visit the orphanage, their children weren't sure they wanted to go in, were afraid of being the center of attention and feared that they would find it dirty and depressing.

Mei Ming, who visited her welcoming and modern orphanage in Wuhan last year when she went on the tour with her mother, nevertheless said that it was not a happy experience.

"It disappointed me to think I was one of those kids that no one really wanted," she said. "I sort of regret going there. I imagined it special, but it was not. I was one of those kids who were useless, unimportant to their birth parents, just dumped somewhere."

Mei Ming, in the seventh grade in Montclair, New Jersey, also has her own, unique view of being among so many people who looked like her. "In the United States, me and my adopted friends are special," she said. "Here, I just feel the same as everyone else. I lose that special something that makes me me. It makes me want to say to them: 'Never come to the USA. This is my turf, so don't come here'."

But there is no denying that the tour dispels negative stereotypes that otherwise haunt these children. "It's really cool how I can see where I'm from," said Avery Gray, 13, of New Jersey, whose mother, Doris Chew, was raised by Chinese parents in New York. "I thought I'd be in an old hotel, with no showers, starving, that my stomach would hurt, stuff would be stolen. Instead - wow - it's so much different than what I thought it would be."

On the last night of the tour, following individual home visits to Shanghai families, we gathered in the lobby of our hotel for sentimental goodbyes. There were some tears, but I think there was also a sense of gratefulness to China, of course, for "giving" us our children in the first place, but then for caring enough about them to sponsor such a bountiful tour.

Speaking of the children, Kifer said: "They know their family doesn't fit here, doesn't fit at home, and yet here, this country is treating them as honored guests."

Linking a reception held last year for the tour and the origins of her own daughter, Kifer said in a choked voice: "Who would think that a child abandoned in a shoe box would then be walking into the Great Hall of the People."

Ron Hollander was a Fulbright fellow in Beijing from 1994-1996 when he adopted his daughter. He teaches journalism at Montclair State University in New Jersey.

Ron's China Daily Article

Day 20 in Xi'an

Alex's Notes: Cool blog entry, lots of pictures at original entry, link is at the bottom.

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Day 20

I spent all day at Starfish today, the time just zooms by. I took care of Lily all day, and when I left tonight at 4:30 she cried. It’s so hard to leave her.

Christine and I took Lily, Callum and Michael (I had a double stroller) for a long walk to Starbucks this afternoon. It was very hot 30 minute walk there and longer coming back, as Lily was a little fussy and I had to carry her and push the stroller. The Chinese people REALLY stare when we are out with the kids. Of course there is the one child policy, and here I am with two. We are never sure if they stare because we are Caucasian and the children are Chinese, or that they are not wrapped up in heavy clothes that the Chinese seem to do. One man even stopped and started berating us in Chinese... we just continued on our way. Lily had her first taste of Starbucks Vanilla Crème. She votes yes for Starbucks! (See picture). I’m going to have trouble saying goodbye to her tomorrow. I think I’ll stay all day. I really only have a bit of packing to do and I don’t leave for the airport until 11:00 am on Saturday. Amanda has asked me to come back anytime and stay in her volunteer apartment. She showed (and emailed) me pictures of Lily when she first arrived at Starfish and before she had her surgery. She had a large sac on the bottom of her back. She still looked perfect to me.

The Chinese language is very difficult and I find at times when spoken it sounds so angry even when it isn’t. The kids are all great, but sometimes it’s bedlam there. I often wonder how it must be when there are no volunteers there. The conditions at Starfish are a whole lot better than other orphanages. Amanda is going to the main Xi’an Orphanage tomorrow, and she’s asked Christine to go with her. There are 600 children there and according to Amanda, 10% will die in the next month. They don’t have enough help and the weak ones just don’t make it.

Coming home from Starfish today was very emotional. I’m very attached to China now, and if not for my family, especially my daughter, (Alex, I want to bring you here!) and friends I could just stay here. It’s so far removed from my life at home and I find that I am at peace here. I definitely want to come back for a longer period of time. It’s like time has stopped for me and all the little sh*t doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve seen so much suffering and poverty as well as kindness, acceptance, happiness and appreciation. The people here are special, and they work hard, their work ethic is unbelievable. The nannies at Starfish work from 8 am to 8 pm and that is just the norm.

Another Chinese factoid.. They exercise on the street outside their place of work before their workday starts. We see them on our drive over to Starfish. No wonder there are no fat people here!

Donna's Space

A reasonable Question about Adopting Special Needs.

KAZ asks the obvious:


While it's very kind to accept special needs kids, why would one specifically seek them?

There are a fair number of reasons to adopt special needs - here are a few:

Much shorter waiting period.

More options for grant money (of course this is offset by potential medical costs, but still).

The chance to get a child under a year old (the ONLY chance now for Korea - they now have a mandatory waiting period for traditional adoption). This one is important to us specifically because bonding issues with the child are greatly reduced if you are able to start earlier.

That good feeling you get helping someone who really needs it.

Not necessarily in that order.

That 2-3 year waiting period for non special needs children is a guesstimate - it could be longer. Many countries - Korea included - recently decided that they were going to change all the rules regarding adoptions. The Hague convention, while not in effect in a lot of countries, has thrown Europe completely off kilter for international adoption and Asia has gotten on this kick about trying to keep their children local. Korea, for instance, has decided to limit the number of children that are adopted internationally by using the following measures:

Mandating that children be given at least a year where in-country adoption is the only option.

offering financial incentives to natives for adopting - I think it's both an initial cash payment and a monthly stipend.

launching an advertising campaign touting the benefits of adoption.

(They are fighting an uphill battle on this one because Koreans are STRONGLY patriarchal. Culturally, paternity is of HUGE importance there - and not just to the parents. In many areas an adopted child will be a social outcast simply because he's not really related. In fact, if a couple does decide to adopt in Korea, a common means of doing so is to go on an extended "trip" and come back saying "I was pregnant when I left - look at our new child" - in direct contrast to U.S. history, where girls were sent away so they could come back and say they were NOT pregnant. Of course, if the child has an American component to his parentage, this tendency is greatly magnified as well. But all of this is just an aside - the point is that they are attempting to restrict international adoption by roughly an order of magnitude, so if you attempt to adopt traditionally, you have slim pickings).

All of the above is irrelevant if you are willing to accept special needs, however. In addition to being strongly patriarchal, Koreans have a HUGE aversion to physical or mental abnormalities. Basically, even the Korean Government knows better than to try to get special needs children adopted locally - they are, for all intents and purposes, unadoptable by Korean standards. So, all those new restrictions and impediments to adoption don't apply to children with special needs.

Key-Words Blog

Expat Parents in China Keep Adopted Babies Close to Home

September 14, 2007

Virtually every flight I've ever been on from China to the U.S. has had at least two couples returning home with a newly adopted Chinese baby. I have been touched watching their interaction, which is often simultaneously tentative and loving. I have also seen large groups of Western couples with new babies touring around Beijing, during their imposed stays here before heading home. It can be a strange sight, one that has led me to wonder if there is any undercurrent of discomfort amongst Chinese about all these babies being taken out of the country. I have detected none.

New, more stringent adoption laws recently went into effect and the number of Chinese children adopted and brought to the U.S. fell by almost 1,500 last year, after two decades of steady growth. But there were still 6,494 adoptions, 95% of them girls, according to Adoptive Families magazine. The Chinese system is considered the model for international adoptions, with a high degree of transparency, clear standards and little or no corruption.

BRINGING UP BABY


How important is it for adopted children to spend time in their native land? Share your thoughts in an online forum.In the last 22 years, 62,389 Chinese children have been adopted by American families, according to the support group Families with Chinese Children. A small number of these children don't have to travel too far to their new homes; they are adopted by expats living here already. The U.S. is one of just six nations that allow its citizens to adopt a Chinese child while living in China. Other countries are concerned about the lack of control and oversight they have over their far-flung citizens, but American expats seeking to adopt follow the same well-defined adoption process that is required of families living in the U.S.

Statistics don't seem to be kept on expats adopting babies, but one close observer who works with adoptive families estimated the number between 200 and 300 a year. I personally know three families who have adopted here and two more whose applications are currently being processed.

Living here makes it easy for the new family member to simultaneously maintain a Chinese identity and develop an American one. It's an issue that American families who adopt Chinese children struggle with -- how much to educate their children about their homeland.

"I think that the majority of parents make an attempt to make sure their children feel positively about Chinese culture," says Susan Caughman, editor of Adoptive Families magazine and herself the mother of a Chinese daughter. "It's definitely understood in the Chinese adoption community that this is something good for your child's identity. A smaller percentage of parents make an effort to actually make sure their children learn to speak Chinese."

There is a group of expats, mostly women, who volunteer in orphanages around Beijing. Their level of involvement varies from occasional work days to near-constant fundraising and/or administration. Collectively they do a lot of vital work. Their efforts seem particularly needed by children with health or developmental problems, who are sometimes abandoned due to the lack of widely available free healthcare.


Alan Paul
Cheryl Latta and Tian Hui
My friend Cheryl Latta, an American mother of four, began volunteering at a nearby orphanage once a week shortly after arriving here two-plus years ago. She found the time fulfilling but frustrating.

"I enjoyed playing with the babies but wanted to do more," she recalls. "I kept thinking, 'If I could just take one of these kids home, I could give them so much more.'"

Cheryl was referred to Teresa Woo, an expat from Hong Kong who runs Beijing's Ping An Medical Foster Home. Ping An takes in orphans who are stricken with serious illnesses and disabilities, arranges and pays for their medical care and surgeries if necessary, and provides pre- and post-surgery rehab care until they are fit enough to return to their original orphanages. The more fortunate orphans might find themselves in foster families, many of which are Ms. Woo's friends and/or regular volunteers.

"Most of our kids are abandoned for medical reasons," says Ms. Woo, whose organization is funded by private donations. "At first, we helped them get the surgery but they were going back to places that couldn't necessarily care for them, so I decided to house them in a place where they could get the kind of care they needed to recuperate. I can only have eight kids at a time because it's a family environment. I didn't want to open another orphanage."

The Lattas were matched with Tian Hui, a smiley six-month-old girl who had had surgery on a cleft lip and needed a few months of recuperation before she could have a second operation, to repair a cleft palate. After about three months, they returned her to Ping An and picked up a different baby. When he had health problems necessitating hospitalization, Ms. Woo asked the Lattas if they could take Tian Hui again. She had been unable to have her second surgery due to health complications, leaving her classified as special needs and therefore eligible for fostering.

None of the Lattas had realized quite how attached they had grown to the little girl until she returned to spend Christmas with them. When family friends said they wanted to adopt Tian Hui, Cheryl felt alarmed rather than excited and realized that she wanted to adopt the baby herself. After everyone concurred in a family meeting, they began the adoption process.


Alan Paul
The Latta family
The Lattas lived around the corner from us and I got used to seeing Cheryl or one of her sons pushing Tian Hui around, first in a stroller, then in a small tricycle. The child always smiled and waved and I was won over by her sunny disposition. I asked often about their situation. Child-specific adoptions are discouraged, but if foster families meet the normal requirements they are sometimes allowed to adopt the child. In these cases it is considered in the child's best interest to stay with a family to whom they are attached. But there are no guarantees and the family was in a constant state of low anxiety waiting for a decision.

The papers came through on Sept. 4 making the adoption official and Tian Hui a member of the Latta family. It was a week short of one year from when they first brought her into their home. They will rename her Tia Grace.

The Lattas hope to stay here four more years, in part so that Tia is instilled with a strong sense of being Chinese and in part because such a long stint here will allow the whole family to better understand the roots of their youngest member.

The Lattas's four blond children already drew a lot of attention in China and they now receive even more scrutiny with a Chinese baby added to the mix.

"People always ask why we would want another child when we already have four," says Cheryl. "I used to say because we loved her so much and I got blank stares. Now, we say we wanted Emily (the lone girl before Tia's arrival) to have a sister and that seems to be much better accepted."

Similarly practical concerns troubled the younger Latta children. Seven-year-old Jason feared that when Tia grew up, she would only speak Chinese and have trouble communicating with the rest of the family. Instead, they are all learning Chinese even as Tia learns English. If all goes according to plan, they will all have a very solid understanding of where their newest family member comes from.

Wall Street Journal

China-Babies Newsletter - September 2007

We just published our September Newsletter.

Here are a few pictures from it:





Click here to see the entire newsletter.

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Insta-Attachment and Other Adoption Myths

Why the dreams we hold on to while waiting for our child can sometimes prevent us from seeing our child's reality clearly.
September 12, 2007/ Dawn Greer Choate



I let out a long, deep sigh as I re-read the words in my inbox again and again. It’s not that it was the first time I had heard those very same words. It’s not that I judged the family who spoke them, knowing I would have written the same a few short years ago. But the pang I felt in the back of my heart and the lump in my throat was for the little girl they were describing. Despite the words of bliss, despite their descriptions of a perfect adjustment, my heart sank as I could envision her face before me. I knew what her eyes would look like if only I could see them. I knew what expression she would have on her face. I knew because I have seen it before. And now I know what it means.

I had received the glowing report in my inbox from a friend of a relative who had just come home with their beautiful new daughter only 7 weeks prior. “She is bonding with everyone! Family, friends, neighbors, people at church! She is just adjusting so quickly and bonding to everyone she meets!” This particular report was really quite similar to many I hear early on. She was doing “so well”, “adjusting great”, and was “better than they could have ever expected”. It is the report our families, friends, co-workers, and even agencies hope and expect to hear from us. Everyone is waiting for the “he/she is all we ever dreamed of” and “it is as if he/she has always been with us”. These are the words everyone waiting to bring a child home reads on the blogs of families who have gone before and prays they will be able to write.

Insta-Attachment. Psychologists and anthropologists have noted for decades that our society is especially vulnerable to the temptations of insta-everything. We are used to it, after all. Everything is fast, easy, convenient. We hate waiting in lines, despise slow drivers, and adore our internet as long as it comes in high speed. We think we are immune to that constant drive for speed and convenience in the adoption world because we wait so long through endless paperwork to bring our children home. We herald the “lesson we have learned in patience” as we agonize through the trials of the paper pregnancy. But that is where so many draw the line. Once our child is home, that is the end of the waiting, right? They are going to be placed in our arms and our waiting is over! Hurray!! The end of our trials and tribulations and now our joy can begin!

The problem is that for your child, they are not in the joyous epilogue of a long novel finally reaching the glorious conclusion as you think you are. They are still in the introduction of a brand new book, one that includes chapters they have never heard of called “Living with a Family”, “Welcome to a Mom and Dad that Look Nothing Like You!”, “A Few Strangers in Your Life Would Now Like to Kiss and Hold You Endlessly” and “So This is America??”. In the midst of all of this is the greatest myth of all. Insta-attachment.

Children do not bond in a week. People do not learn to trust in a day, a week, or even a month. A child who is living in a strange land with strange looking people who speak an even stranger language cannot possibly learn in a short period of time what it means to be loved by a family, what a mom and a dad even are there for, what it means to be a sister or brother, and that all of these strange people can be trusted to never leave them again, never harm them, and navigate them through the twists and turns of life. We want so much to believe in Insta-Attachment because, truthfully, it makes us feel better. The wait has already been so long for us, we sacrificed so much to get here, and the last thing we want to face is the possibility that our work is not done once we reach what we thought was the end of the road, the fulfillment of the goal. Sometimes we are willing to accept a few hours of grief, a few days of the child’s emotional walls, a few weeks of sleepless nights. But we certainly don’t want to face the chance that perhaps those few tears, a night terror or two, and the struggles with sibling relationships might last longer than a week or two. Or, even harder to face, is the possibility that even though our child seems to be doing well, their actions may be masking the true grief and trauma that so many adopted children hide deep in their hearts.

And this is where the temptation to ignore the unspoken signs of trauma and grief in our children steps in. We want so much to believe they are adjusting quickly that we interpret signs that actually are warning signs something is not right as signs that our child is doing really well. When our daughter reaches her hands out and lets anyone hold her, we beam with pride that she is so social. When our son falls apart on the floor because we asked him to do a simple task, we say he must be really opinionated. When our kids run around at an event, wandering in and out of strangers without concern for the location of a parent, we say they must really like parties. When our child plays alone on the floor for long periods of time without a need to be entertained, we are grateful we got one of the “easy kids”.

Attachment is not instant. Bonding takes time…a long time. And even if your child is pleasant and calm with you from day one, plays with you and hugs you, lets you hold her and seems to get along with everyone, it is simply a matter of common sense that what the child is experiencing in those early months is not and cannot possibly be attachment to you. Even if the child has the opposite reaction and cries every time you leave the room, it is still not defined as true attachment. When we were in China picking up our second daughter, she cried the first time I tried to hold her but by the next day she screamed if I was not in her sight. This was not because she somehow miraculously attached to me overnight (though that would have been nice to believe!). She simply had figured out a major change was about to happen in her life and that I somehow was the next person in line to provide her some tiny amount of security so she was going to latch on and not let go! This does not mean she suddenly loved me, trusted me, or even liked me for that matter. It was a matter of survival. Her instincts kicked in and she knew that her safety and future depended on clinging to me.

We are now weeks away from bringing home our 5th child, our 3rd adopted child. We have had the privilege of visiting him twice. Though by week’s end on both visits he was clinging to me and watching my every move, I am not fooled. My heart would love to believe this baby has decided I am his mother, thrown himself in my arms and shunned all others to choose me. But I have seen his eyes. I know what his eyes say that his actions sometimes belie. He does not trust me yet. He does not love me yet. How could he possibly? Though my heart wants to believe I can spend the months and years to bring a child home that will run into my arms and realize I am their family forever now, I am now a little more cognizant of the impossibility of that expectation on a child.

So how do you create attachment in a child if it is not instant? You build it, one brick at a time. Sometimes you even have to break down the faulty foundation that was created before you ever received your child, and then build a new foundation one brick at a time. If your child seems content, seems “okay”, seems social, seems to “fit right in”, look past the surface behaviors and do not let the survival instincts of children fool you into thinking their past has not affected them and that they are rubber balls who can be bounced around yet simply bounce right back. Do not just move on with your life as if your work is done. Stay with your child. Give some things up. Spend time playing, holding and talking to your child. Do not let your child push you away, manipulate you with shallow behaviors or place any other friend, relative or caregiver above you. You have the right as the parent to ask questions, challenge your child emotionally, and insist on being the first love of their life.

You are not a failure as a parent to admit your child home for even a year still does not show preference for you. Your child is not “less than” other adopted children because he does not appear as adjusted as other adopted children whose parents glowed, “This was a perfect adoption!” Do not believe in Insta-Attachment. It is a fairytale that ultimately prevents you from really seeking out the deepest part of your child’s heart and searching for true healing instead of proper behaviors. It is worth the search. It may take much longer than you had hoped for, your emails to family and friends may be lacking in the instant gratification. But the long, slow simmer of true attachment in the end is stronger, more deeply satisfying, and more healing. Do not look for the easy path. Look for the road less traveled. Be willing to take another journey of patience even after the paperwork is done and your child is home. Do not close the book. Begin a new one. It is worth the effort. It is worth the wait. Your child is waiting for someone who is willing to take the time and energy to write it for them. Insta-Attachment is one fairytale your child can do without.

Dawn Greer Choate and her husband are the parents of 5 children, including 2 daughters born in China and one son born in Guatemala. In 2005, the Choates launched Healing Hannah, a resource to educate parents on issues related to attachment and emotional healing in the adopted child. Dawn is an ordained minister, author, speaker, and a co-owner with her husband of a computer/software business. For more information, please visit www.healinghannah.com and www.fishersofwomen.com

Rainbowkids.com

LEE COUNTY NEIGHBORS: Return to China

9/12/2007 11:15:21 AM
Daily Journal





SALTILLO - Daniel Clark has lived the life of an American youth since coming here 13 years ago as an adopted toddler from China.

Daniel has been an honor roll student involved in school activities. He's participated in 4-H and park-and-rec soccer, plus he's active in church. And in his recreation time at home, he enjoys playing video games against his two younger siblings.

At the same time, Daniel remains close to his Chinese heritage. This summer, his native country beckoned Daniel and others like him to visit their homeland and learn about its culture, history and art.

Daniel knew he had to go.

The Saltillo High School freshman was one of 30 teens - all of whom were born in China and adopted by American families - to attend the "Embracing China and Experiencing Beijing" camp Aug. 14-23. He was the lone Mississippian making the trip.

"The trip meant more to me than I could have ever imagined," said Daniel, who was 19 months old when he was adopted on June 23, 1994. He turns 15 on Oct. 28. "This was a dream come true for me. Now I desire to return again for another trip in the future."

Cultural experience
The camp, organized by the China Center of Adoption Affairs and the National Council for Adoption, was formed to give the teens a better understanding of Chinese culture. Daniel and his adoptive mother, Kathy Clark, were informed by letter June 25 about the camp.

Kathy, a media specialist at Saltillo Primary School, has adopted three children from China: Daniel, daughter Kristin, 10, and son Seth, 6. She admits she was apprehensive at first for Daniel to go.

The Clarks faxed in the application the day they received it. Daniel found out the next day he had been accepted. All of the camp spots were filled in less than a week.

"We had to respond quickly, and Daniel and I just felt like it was the right thing," Kathy Clark said. "I felt better because he went with me three years ago when I adopted Seth. He knew how long that trip was. But he wanted to go back, and that was a big motivating thing to him."

The campers and their chaperones were busy from the day they arrived in Beijing.

There were tours to the Forbidden City, the Summer Palace, the Temple of Heaven and the Great Wall. The campers attended classes about Chinese history, traditional dance, music and art. The group also attended an acrobatic show and the Peking Opera. Campers were told about the adoption process and they met with orphans and children with disabilities living at a Beijing orphanage.

They also spent a day with Chinese families to experience their daily lives.

"That was my favorite day," Daniel said. "I loved seeing where they lived and how they lived. I enjoyed doing activities with them such as cooking traditional Chinese dumplings and playing with their child. We had fun shopping together. This was truly experiencing Chinese culture."

Daniel also enjoyed meeting Chinese students his age. "They were really interested in us, always asking questions and just wondering what we're like," he said.

Sense of pride
Since returning home Daniel has been busy making up school work from the two weeks he missed. He's still absorbing all that he experienced in China and he hopes someday to share it, especially with his sister and brother.

"It is difficult to express my deep feelings (about the trip)," he said. "I felt secure and happy there. I felt a sense of pride about being Chinese. I enjoyed learning about the vast accomplishments of the Chinese people in past and present. China to me will always be a second home."

Through e-mail Daniel keeps in touch with fellow campers and trip counselors in the United States and in China. Each camper received a poster that included their photos and biographical information such as birth names, date of birth, date of adoption, where they lived at the time of the adoption and where they reside now.

The trip turned out to be a bonding experience for the teens who were born in China and now call America home.

"I observed that all of the campers and their parents felt that it was important for their children to meet other adopted teens from China," said Daniel, whose birth name is Wu Jie. "The American chaperones, Chinese chaperones and Chinese officials formed close bonds with us. I have made close friends for life. I will truly treasure each one of them and every memory of this trip."

Missisipi Daily Journal